Disappointments

Sometimes I find myself unable to connect with anyone even on the most basic level. People I expect to be able to understand me and my moods suddenly seem so clueless, it’s as if they never had even the remotest idea in the first place. I don’t make it easy for anybody, I know that, but still not this level of disconnect! I swear there are times I want to leave it all and retreat even further into myself. Anything to avoid this disappointment and rage that rises in me. Nothing, no one is worth the aggravation. I’m not either I guess. However, that’s ok. The total absence of expectations should be better than this repetitive routine of dashed hopes and failed efforts at relationships that I expect too much of and get way too little from. This all too familiar taste of bile rising up my throat is one I cloy of. People I think were close to me have proven me wrong time and again and so I’ve reduced my expectations of them time after time till that level is near zero. I wish it was not how these things ended, but I honestly don’t see any other way.