Haven't written in ages. Not much has been occupying my mind of late. I don't think I even want to think about it. There is a vague sense of unrest, a disquiet in my mind that brooks no joy, no hope, no thought…. Everything seems hazy, unclear, shrouded in mists of my own making. And it's not even as if I was unhappy. I just am not happy. It's just this aimless drifting, this absence of desire, of want, of something new that's getting to me, I think. There are the odd days when a clinical challenge comes to me and I am enthused for a moment. The rest of my work is an endless series of patients I can diagnose before they even sit next to me. And at the back of it all is the feeling that I could, no, I should be working in a better place. Some place where my worth is recognized, where I don't have to refer patients for things I could so easily treat myself, if only I had the equipment. That is part of the worst I think. That feeling of being second grade as a doctor and not because I am incapable, but because I lack the facility to use my talents. Add to that the thought that my future worth might be predicated on my present performance and I finally see what weighs me down. And the final nail is that I can't see a way out of this quagmire……..